It's Gonna Be Alright

We went to church tonight. Not our regular church, but the church I attended a few years ago when I lived here in Los Angeles. The church I was attending in 2007 when my world was turned upside down. It was a special Christmas service and tonight was my first visit back since becoming a mom.

EJ was enthralled from the moment we walked in. She was worshipping so enthusiastically, I was almost embarrassed, almost. Bouncing on the chair, arms stretched towards heaven, singing at the top of her lungs, in her own world with God. People were trying not to look over, I could tell by the way they moved their eyeballs so subtly in our direction and smiled with their heads still bowed.

I wanted to tell them what was really going on. Besides the fact that my kid was obviously lost in the moment, this wasn't just a Sunday night church service for me, this moment was a little more sacred.

5 years ago, I stood in this sanctuary, Sunday after Sunday, arms stretched towards heaven, singing at the top of my lungs, in my own world with God. And sobbing. I had recently been raped. And it left me pregnant. And I was homeless. And I was completely alone.

5 years ago I would sing these lyrics along with everyone else in the congregation, but most people didn't know the tremendous weight the words held for me, or the depth of faith I was pouring out...

For I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God will make a way for me
Its gonna be alright...

The odds were stacked against me. Looking at my circumstances, the future looked bleak. Impossible, really. But 5 years ago I believed with every ounce of me that God was going to make a way for me, for us. I knew. I knew we would be alright.

And though my trust was unswerving, and as determined as I was to follow Him regardless, I couldn't imagine how God was actually going to do it. How was he actually going to make a way for us through this sea of impossibilities?
I didn't have any answers.
 
But I had faith. And I guess sometimes that's all you really need.

5 years later instead of a pregnant belly and morning sickness, I've got this 4 year old who's waist I'm holding so she doesn't fall off her chair in her exuberant worship.

And I have peace.

5 years later I can say, He saved the day. He made a way for us!
And if the next 5 years are half as good as the last 5....IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!




"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” Luke 1:45